Hello Lover Goodbye Friend
Posted by Justin - 17/10/09 at 01:10:38 pmMost of us are lucky enough to have a close friend who knows how to assure us our bum doesn’t look big and who understands our embarrassing and undiminished love for James Blunt.
For some of us, that best friend just happens to be a guy. And, if he’s single and heterosexual, it’s possible at some point while watching Survivor or downing a flaming Sambuca you’ve even thought, ‘Hmm, I wonder what it would be like to kiss him?’ Or perhaps you’ve harbored serious love fantasies about him for ages and just haven’t broached the subject. Crossing the divide from being friends to lovers can be fraught with misunderstandings, unrealistic expectations and heartache, say relationship experts. But it could also be the start of something fabulous.
Is it a Good Idea?
‘Getting involved with someone you already depend on and are emotionally attached to is risky,’ says Cindy, a 24-year-old dance instructor who made the leap with a friend, Paul, a law student she’d known for six months. ‘I didn’t want to spoil what we
had,’ she says. ‘But I also knew I wanted more than just his friendship. It was a mutual decision.’
Psychologists believe that having someone who knows your faults and foibles before seeing you naked makes the relationship more likely to succeed. Researchers have found that couples who are best friends first have more happiness and satisfaction in their lives. Best friends work through conflicts and don’t give up on each other.
An intimate relationship that starts as a friendship rules out the roller-coaster ride and subsequent disappointment that is an inevitable part of a relationship that starts with
falling in love. You’re far more likely to have an authentic, warts-and-all relationship.
Although Cindy and Paul’s romance ended when he moved to the UK, they are still in touch. ‘We’ve fallen back into the friendship,’ says Cindy. ‘We’ve started asking each other’s advice about other people in our lives and although I sometimes feel a bit jealous, I know the love we shared was real and valuable. I don’t regret it at all.’ Although Cindy’s experience was positive, experts caution you to consider a number of issues before propositioning your male mate. For starters, ask yourself whether it’s true attraction or simply a moment of loneliness or lust.
‘I regret having sex on my kitchen table with my then best friend,’ says Mishka, a 33-year-old writer. ‘If I’d been more circumspect, I would’ve realized I was dejected after losing a lucrative contract and looking for an ego boost. I jeopardized a meaningful friendship.’
If you can honestly say your wicked thoughts of licking whipped cream off his tattoo aren’t the result of too many vodka martinis or too many nights at home alone with Mr Sex Toy, ask yourself why you’re only considering your friend as a potential love interest now. If it’s because circumstances have changed (for example he’s newly single or finished his master’s thesis, which distracted him), chances are you are dealing with true feelings that can now be addressed. If, however, you’ve had ample time to get things together in the past and haven’t, perhaps your motives aren’t good.
Kate, a 34-year-old lab technician, admits she’s been tempted to make a move out of sheer curiosity, but has had enough sense not to. ‘One of my closest friends has everything I’m looking for in a partner but I’m just not physically attracted to him,’ she says. ‘It’s weird. We shop and eat out together. We even spend Big Nights In like a married couple. But if we were to start shagging I know it would be a disaster. The chemistry just isn’t there for me.’
Most importantly, consider what you might lose if your revelation doesn’t have the desired effect on him. If he doesn’t share your feelings, it’s likely your friendship will change in some way.
The Conversation
If you’ve weighed up the pros and cons and are still convinced he’s The One, it’s time to make your feelings known. Considering there’s a friendship in place, chances are there’s already some flirting happening. Keep things light but being clear about the outcome you would like. Chat about the things you have in common and the reasons you share so much time together.
It may be best to start off with a huge degree of subtlety. Gently find out where he stands on the issue of friendships developing into relationships. Opportunities often present themselves in the form of experiences of mutual friends, or through examples in movies, books or magazines. Removing yourself from the discussion will give you the opportunity to pick up clues from how he views other people in similar situations.
It’s also a good idea to discuss this important topic when sober.
The first few shots of alcohol boost high levels of the feel-good brain chemical serotonin. Under its influence you are more likely to exaggerate your ‘love’ for him. A gushing onslaught may turn him off, even if he really likes you.
The Move
Mia, a 32-year-old clothing manufacturer, wishes she’d considered this advice. ‘I really worked myself up into a lather about whether I should make my feelings for Ryan known,’ she says. ‘When I first met him I wasn’t all that interested because I’d just ended a destructive relationship and needed time to heal.’ As the months passed, Ryan’s unusual looks and offbeat sense of humor really started to appeal. ‘Everyone commented on how much time we spent together,’ she recalls. ‘I was ready for action’. Frustrated that her friend wasn’t making the first move, and convinced the growing attraction was mutual, Mia planned a grand seduction scene. ‘I lit candles, did the whole dressed-to-kill thing and even had a Hollywood wax for the event,’ she recalls. ‘It was a complete disaster. After two bottles of wine I ended up sitting on top of him on my bed, pleading with him to kiss me.’ She can laugh about it now, but she’s painfully aware the easy camaraderie is gone. ‘We didn’t see each other for a few weeks after that,’ Mia recalls. ‘And when we did, we were both far too embarrassed to discuss it. All he said was ‘I’m sorry I was so unplayable’ and mumbled something about a past mistake.’
Janine, a 25-year-old accounts manager, had an entirely different experience. ‘Brian, 26, and I became close quickly. We’d spend most weekends partying together and hours on the phone during the week,’ she says. ‘When we landed up sleeping together it was strange. Lovely but strange. We promised each other we’d keep our eyes closed because it was just weird having sex with your best buddy.’
While it might be nice to think you’ll feel charges of electricity when you finally kiss for the first time, chances are familiarity can work against you, as it did for Janine. But there’s no need to give up completely if you don’t feel hot mercury pulsing through your veins at his first touch. Acknowledge the uneasiness and try to make a light joke of it. Alternatively, promise each other you’ll go really slowly until you’re both used to this new way of interacting.
You might find that your friend is not interested in sleeping with you, eyes closed or not. This isn’t an easy pill to swallow. You may need to cry him out of your system but for this you’ll need the next best shoulder to cry on – not his. Respect his decision. Placing your life on hold because you don’t know his feelings can be just as damaging. At least this way you’ve taken the plunge and have been honest with yourself – and him.
Giving it a Try
While getting naked together doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an official item, chances are your romantic hopes will be high at this point. It’s important to communicate your expectations – and have a handle on his too. Try something such as: ‘I’m attracted to you and I’m happy you want to give this a chance but I want to make sure we’re on the same page so no-one’s feelings get hurt.’
When Jamie and I got together it was more of an experiment than anything else,’ says Annette a 25-year-old student. ‘We partied together for a couple of months before he suggested we ‘give this whole dating thing a chance seeing that we get on so well anyway’. After a few weeks, I realized the flirtation and the chase had been better than the end result.’ Deciding they were better friends than lovers, Annette spoke to Jamie. Turns out we were both on the same page and went back to being party friends without any difficulty,’ she says.
TLR7- Cluster of Differentiation 287
Posted by Justin - 15/10/09 at 05:10:56 amToll-like receptor 7 (TLR7), is an immune gene possessed by humans, other mammals and additionally in avian species playing a significant role in initiating antiviral immune responses. It belongs to the evolutionarily conserved Toll-like receptor family. The TLR7 sequence encodes a 1049 amino acid protein with a calculated molecular weight of 121 kDa. Like all other members of the TLR family, TLR7 contain an ectodomain with multiple leucine-rich repeats (LRRs) and a cytoplasmic domain homologous to that of the human interleukin-1 (IL-1) receptor. TLR7 is most closely related to TLR8 and TLR9 with 43% and 36% overall amino acid sequence identity, respectively and thus along with TLR8 and TLR9 constitutes a new sub-family of the TLRs.
In vivo, TLR7 mRNA is expressed in lung, placenta, spleen, lymph node, and tonsil. TLR7 mRNA expression is highest in monocytes, B cells, and DC. In vitro, TLR7 mRNA expression is upregulated in THP-1 cells upon PMA-induced differentiation. TLR7 is highly upregulated by exposure to IL-6 and to a slightly lesser extent by autocrine IFN-γ, IL-1β. TLR7 mRNA expression in THP-1 cells is elevated after exposure to both Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria. Ex vivo, expression of TLR7 is elevated after exposure to both Gram-positive and Gram-negative bacteria in monocytes and to a greater degree in granulocytes. Like TLR3, it appears that TLR7 may be localized intracellularly (1, 2). In humans, TLR7 is expressed on a restricted range of cell types with the highest abundance found on plasmacytoid dendritic cells and B cells.
TLR7 is activated by infections with single-stranded RNA viruses, including influenza virus and vesicular stomatitis virus (VSV). Stimulation of TLR7 with the viral nucleic acids, causes a type I IFN response and secretion of a large quantity of IFNα and the production of inflammatory cytokines [including IFN-alpha, IFN-beta, interleukin-6 (IL-6), IL-12, tumour necrosis factor-alpha (TNF-alpha)]. TLR7 activation also mediates up-regulation of costimulatory molecules (CD40, CD80, CD86), major histocompatibilty complex molecules and chemokine receptors (CCR7) (3). Two signaling pathways of TLR7 are thought to induce inflammatory cytokine expression: the MyD88- IRAK1-TRAF6-IRF5 pathway and the MyD88-TRAF6-TAK1-MAPK/IKK-AP-1/NF-κB pathway.(4) Following nucleic acid recognition, TLR7 recruit the TIR-domain
containing adapter called MyD88. MyD88 forms a complex with members of IRAK family
(IRAK1 and IRAK4) and TRAF6, which in turn activates TAK1 and results in the activation of NF-κB. In addition to single-stranded RNA, the synthetic imidazoquinoline, imiquimod, a low molecular weight immune response modifier, activates TLR7 in both humans and mice, whereas its derivative resiquimod (R-848) activates TLR7 in humans. Both imiquimod and R-848 elicit robust anti-viral and anti-tumor immune responses in vivo, which correlate with a strong induction of type I IFNs. As a consequence of this activity, imiquimod is used for the treatment of external genital warts caused by human Papillomavirus. (5) TLR7 has been implicated in recognizing guanosine and uracil-rich single-stranded(ss) RNA such as the U5 region of human immunodeficiency virus type 1 RNA and influenza U-rich ssRNA, leading to up-regulation of IFN-alpha.
Reference:
1. Heine, H. & E. Lein (2003) Int. Arch. Allergy Immunol. 130:180.
2. Dunne, A. & L.A.J. O’Neill (2003) Sci. STKE 2003:re3.
3. Victoria J Volume 114 Issue 4 Page 507-521, April 2005
4. Myeong Sup Lee Annual Review of BiochemistryVol. 76: 447-480, 2007.
5. Annett Schoenemeyer J. Biol. Chem., Vol. 280, Issue 17, 17005-17012, April 29, 2005.
Learn Digital Photography – Creativity Can Be Learned
Posted by Justin - 11/10/09 at 06:10:57 amThose of us who admire the work of great artists and the award winning images of outstanding photographers, marvel at the creativity of these artists. A little envious of their amazing abilities and natural talent. We look at our own photographs and wonder how we’ll ever get anywhere near the masters. All is not lost or as bleak as it appears.
I know that in my photography experience I would look at these photographers, look at my work, try to copy theirs, fail and then give up. It became a cycle of failure and discouragement until I realised that I could actually take good photos. It wasn’t an instant change but a process. What I realised was that the masters never painted a perfect picture the first time they held a brush nor the great photographers the first time they held a camera. They began their creative journey somewhere. The important part of the process was on the journey and how they developed along this road of learning. So, equating this to you and me we have to start somewhere. You need to make a conscious choice that you are starting a creative journey. You need a starting point, a point of departure. It’s back to this point that you’ll look and use it as a comparison to your future work.
With all this said and done, how do we start our creative journey? Let’s take a look at a few points that will get you going:
1. Discover your area of passion
It’s sometimes necessary to discover your passion as we often keep these areas of ours lives hidden for various reasons. Society says that a man shouldn’t like flowers or a woman can’t get excited by motorcycles. So it’s essential to rediscover what excites us and what makes our creativity tick. This in it itself is a small journey within our creative journey. Once you have uncovered this you have a foundation for fresh ideas and a platform for experimentation that will keep you motivated and not give up or become discouraged. Find a quiet place now and relax as you think about what are your passions.
2. Begin with the end in mind
You need to have some ideas about what you want to achieve through you creativity. Have an understanding of what you want to create in your images. If you can’t see something in your mind’s eye and have no idea of what you want to achieve, you are lost before you begin. This is where the help of the masters comes in. Get inspiration but don’t copy. There is a difference between copying someone else’s work and being inspired by it. Allow it to get you excited and driven to take images of similar quality and beauty. Let them give you ideas and understanding of their techniques and methods of composition. They should motivate you to go out and shoot.
3. Take time out and take your time
So often we want to do something and do it now and have the results now. Instant gratification is one of the great warts of life in this modern age. We want to be creative and we want it now. Creativity takes time and conscious effort to develop. It doesn’t just happen over night. Think about the possibilities for a good composition and imagine the various possibilities, angles, colours and perspectives. Get away from the hustle and bustle and find a place that makes you feel good about yourself and where you can enjoy the moment. Many artists have a place where they go to for inspiration.
4. Choose an inspirational location or setting
To help your creativity, find a place that inspires you. If you love old buildings then find a location that has many of them. If you love flowers and insects go to a botanical garden. Whatever it is, find it and go there. And, leave your camera at home. Yes, don’t take it with you. You need to experience the environment, imbibe the atmosphere and just observe. We are so tempted to start taking pictures and by doing this we miss the moment and get to involved with technical issues before we are inspired.
5. Think, observe and let your creativity run wild
Walk around, sit down or lie down in you chosen location. Observe your surroundings carefully and look for opportunities. Look at the different angles. Carefully examine colours and shapes. Look for lines and repeated patterns. Observe how the light falls on an object and the direction of the shadows. Look for details you haven’t seen before. All these factors play a part in your journey of creativity.
Once you have been through these five steps you are starting to get to a point from which your creative ideas can start to flow. Creativity cannot be rushed. It’s like the flow of honey from a jar, slow and sweet and once you’ve tasted it you’ll never forget it. You have to create an environment for it to begin. This is a learned process and cannot be crowded by the everyday hustle and bustle and concerns of life. We all have creativity within us but we need to create the setting that will coax it out. Once you discover this, there will be no end to the exciting images you will be able to create.
How do I Get My Ex-girlfriend Back?
Posted by Justin - 07/10/09 at 05:10:27 pmIf you are asking yourself that question, listen up. If you do things right, you will have her back eventually. But it takes some time, so be patient. If you rush things through, you might get her back but it won’t last and you will break up again.
Just after a breakup, it’s natural to feel so lonely that you want to immediately get back together again. If only it were as simple as ‘Let’s kiss and make up’. It’s not. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes before. Barely 8 months ago, I was in your situation. I had just broken up with Sharon after a bad argument. I felt rotten. As with any breakup, it was not just one person’s fault. But I knew I had contributed a lot to what happened. Yet at the same time, I didn’t want to break up. It was she who initiated it. I resisted the breakup, but Sharon had had enough. One Saturday night 8 months ago, she walked out, leaving me standing at the doorstep of my house.
Devastated, alone, hurt, angry at myself, feeling foolish…that was the sum total of my feelings that night. I tried calling her the next day but she did not answer. I left messages and sent text messages but there was no response. I was at a loss as to what to do. In my desperation, I went to talk to my sister. If anyone could help me understand the female mind, she could.
I spent 4 hours with my sister that night. It was the best 4 hours I’ve ever spent. She not only comforted me, but gave me some practical steps that I could take in my predicament. So the first thing I did was send Sharon a text message. But it was not a message telling her how sorry I was or asking her to take me back. I told her that I agreed with her that we should break up and that it was the best thing for us at that point.
After that I did not contact her again for the following 3 weeks. I took that time to review my own character flaws and do something about them. I took a painful look at myself, warts and all. I realized how some of my own character deficiencies had contributed to the breakup of my relationship with Sharon. I was too selfish, insecure, proud and impatient among other things. In addition, I realized that I had to love Sharon unconditionally. So in those 3 weeks or so, I focused entirely on improving myself. I set up certain specific projects with clear objectives aimed at eliminating (or at least reducing) some of the character flaws I had. I got one of my buddies to help me monitor my progress and to be accountable to.
Those 3 weeks seemed to last forever. But bitter as it was to admit my faults and change, it did me a world of good in the end. About a month after the breakup, I knew I was a different man inside. Next, I did something about the man outside. Some new clothes, a new haircut and getting rid of my mustache did the trick. During the whole time, I also made it a point to get out and socialize more. Making new friends and renewing old acquaintances allowed me to become the ‘new’ me.
About a month after our breakup, I felt I was ready to contact Sharon again. This time I sent her an email and I basically said that she was right in the things we argued over. I apologized for my wrongs without making excuses and told her some of the ways I had changed. Next, I looked for an opportunity to meet up with her but it had to appear casual and non-intrusive. The opportunity came when a mutual friend organized a short trip. I asked him to do me a favor by inviting Sharon along. So for 3 days and 2 nights, I had the chance to talk with her. Sure, there were others there, too but we were all friends so there was no pressure on either of us. We didn’t talk about any serious stuff, only casual things. My whole purpose was to have a fun time with Sharon, which we did. I was also hoping she would see the changes in me – my acts of kindness, generosity, patience, sense of humor and my new looks. That little trip set the stage for future meetings between us.
I felt really good after the trip. And I could see that Sharon’s attitude towards me was beginning to soften also. One thing my sister told me was to meet her emotional needs and be seen doing so. Here’s a tip for all you men. Every woman has the same primary emotional need. It is security. Security comes in the form of love, loyalty, protection, being there for her, relationship, communication etc. So every time we met up, I made it a point to shower her with these things. Before long, we started to communicate on a deeper level and eventually we talked about renewing our relationship.
I’m glad to say that about 8 months after we broke up, Sharon and I are happily back together as a couple. We intend to get engaged at the end of the year and follow that up with wedding bells, soon.
Really soon.
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